http://www.smartassery.com A Venture Capital assistant...obviously paying for the sins of past lives Sun, 27 Dec 2009 20:35:07 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en As part of his tireless mid-life crisis quest, Incubus tries to keep up with trends that tell everyone he's cool, hip, and therefore not  the actual bag-of-bones that he is. The thinking is if you have as many gadgets and do as many tween-things as possible, the rest of humanity ... http://www.smartassery.com/2009/12/27/poser-101/ Our company like so many other VC firms in the Valley is about to go the way of the dodo. That has set Incubus and company in a wild goose chase for ...wait for it... jobs. Jobs! Bwahahahahahaha. Imagine for a moment Incubus having a different job, one in which he ... http://www.smartassery.com/2009/08/14/potatoe-potato/ Incubus: Beaaaatrix, can you make me an appointment to go get a haircut first thing in the morning? The first one of the day would be great Beatrix Kiddo: Ok, you're booked for 9:05am I: Hmmmm, that might not work. I need it for earlier BK: (Glare) They open at 9:00am. You have ... http://www.smartassery.com/2009/08/05/get-off-my-hair/ Keeping up with the Joneses sometimes entails you having to swallow all previous smack-talk of child-free existence and popping or buying, as it may be the case (I'm looking at you Madonna), the 1.5 token kids. If you are a self-absorbed, deranged VC living in a parallel universe (much like Madonna ... http://www.smartassery.com/2009/04/03/babysitting-vc-style/ So yeah, still here. However, at the moment actively looking for another demon to sell my soul to support. Pffft... Today Incubus waltzed in (it is his custom to waltz into places with hands propped up on his hips or arms flailing about, or both) and handed me a pile of magazines. Incubus: ... http://www.smartassery.com/2009/03/11/im-still-heresuffering/ 7:30am Hysterical call and email from Incubus regarding the tracking of a package being delivered today.  8:00am Incubus hysterically flapping around the office asking where the coffee machine is. - In the kitchen counter, where it usually hangs out, duffus. 8:03am Incubus comes out of kitchen with dumbfounded look. Where is the coffee? - On ... http://www.smartassery.com/2009/01/07/the-day-before-the-vacation-stood-still/ Leave it to the ladies to resuscitate the dying SNL skit: http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2008/09/sarah-palin-tina-fey-staurday-night-live.php http://www.smartassery.com/2008/09/17/snl-brilliancy/ Incubus: Beatrix it seems like there was a mistake in the quarterly report Beatrix Kiddo: Where? I: See it appears that there's one word that is not aligned with the rest of the others BK: I see, the one that's off by one letter to the right? I: Yes that one. I think we ... http://www.smartassery.com/2008/09/17/mistakes-were-made/ All things have a place in the universe. They also have laws. For example, a predator is a carnivore. Law of nature. My dog licks his balls. Bam! Law of nature. Incubus is a scamming thief. Law of motherfucking nature. Time Thief: So Beatrix my laptop broke Beatrix Kiddo: (eye roll square) ... http://www.smartassery.com/2008/07/30/the-hard-drive-exchange/ Time Thief: Beatrix, could you make a note to tell the building that the window in my office looks dirty from the outside? Beatrix Kiddo: (munching through inhaling lunch) Hmmm...what? TT: Yes, it's totally messy. I'd like them to clean it up BK: Sure (I'll put it in the bin of "it never ... http://www.smartassery.com/2008/07/30/ridiculous-request-2899/