Incubus is going on vacation across the country. Naturally he must take all his toys with him for the whole 4 days or he’ll risk losing all his hair. Well, actually, that’s happening already. Pretty soon I’ll be making him an appointment to get hair plugs. Incubus: Beatrix, I need you to ship some things to [...]
Despite the dark cloud of bad luck lingering over our building and our dismal portfolio performance, entrepreneurs still believe we have money to throw around in quirky companies. Little do they know of the financial gymnastics I have to perform in the back office in order for everyone to get paid. But that is for Nostradamus [...]
that my Non-Smarty-Pants boss has driven to the wrong airport to catch a flight even though: There is a huge entry in the calendar indicating airline, flight #, departure/arrival time and AIRPORT I check him in the day before and give him his boarding pass which incidentally shows the departure airport in big block letters I send [...]
Incubus: Beatrix, I invited (tried to lure would be a more accurate representation) this guy to our office but he’s not sure if he can fit us in. He thinks our office is too far away from his route Beatrix Kiddo: Mkay I: So I need you to create a map to convince him otherwise BK: [...]
The ungodly length of time I’ve been toiling away at this job is good for something. You see, when you’ve been putting up with shit for like, oh I don’t know, a fucking eternity, you arrive at what I like to call the ’Bite Me’ stage. This stage is pretty fun because if you are vital to the [...]
I work so fast, the Road Runner is sitting next to me as I write to learn the ancient secrets of speed and perfection. Like any awesome, efficient machine, I need parameters in which to work. Oh, but do I get any? Nooooooo. Instead, the shrimps I work for prefer the tried and true method [...]
The Flighty One’s computer is at odds again. This time (as in and the other 99 times before) the cause of the problem is too much fucking free time and a raging case of perennial midlife crisis. You see, when these two factors combine, it results in an OCD condition that impulses you to buy [...]
I was out on my back for a couple of days due to an unnameable medical procedure. To show how much he appreciates my back breaking work the Commanding Asshole sent me this: No, it wasn’t an error from the florist. As it goes, this particular basket was on sale for $12.99 (presumably because they [...]
The company had a bunch of Ivy league pompous fuckheads over for lunch. Lunch was served with a side of long rambling vainglorius rhetoric by the evil managing director. ZZZzzzzzzzz… Anyway, as a general general rule they came in with a certain attitude and a lot of glancing over. Behaviorally, they ate like a pack of wolves during [...]
You are a sophisticated VC of refined tastes (or so you think) with a penchant for entertaining who’s throwing a Memorial Day barbecue for your socialite friends. The menu includes delicate puff pastries with a peanut butter filling. You’ll probably need 4 jars of the stuff. What do you do? a) Go to the nearest supermarket and buy the 4 [...]