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Incubus has confided in me that he wants to give his wife a nice 40th birthday gift. Does he think I’m all that trustworthy? Nope, he just wants me to organize the whatever it is he wants to do for her. Blimey.
The plan is to take her camping to Yellowstone National Park. With the baby… [...]

The ocassion: Company’s non-denominational holiday dinner
The location: The ghastly hunting club that gives everyone the creeps (…plus food poisoning)
The guests: All the slaves  employees, the bosses, and their idiot wives (and this time around also their kids…kids!)
Now, Incubus and Succubus have a penchant for doing seating arrangements because they swear that they are the ultimate authority [...]

You gotta give it to Incubus’ evil genius. He has single handedly come up with the solution for not paying high prices at the pump.
Incubus wants to be good to the environment (this can also be interpreted as “I’m a cheap asshole and the Prius savings cockamamie story has yet to actually made a difference [...]

Incubus got the envelope!!! The one from the IRS that is. The one that says “you’re being audited.” Break out the cymbals, this is the beginning of the end!
Of course in his mind (you know…the one floating over cloud 9) he is not the one being audited. The company is. Riiiiight, because that is the [...]

Stupid LP: Hello, I’m here to meet with Time Thief and company
Beatrix Kiddo: Sure, please come in to the conference room. I’ll go get the partners…In the meantime, would you care for a beverage?
SLP: Thank you, I’m ok. Can I ask you a question about the parking?
Fucking ay. Gentlemen place your bets: will the stupid [...]

Time Thief: Beaaaaatrix, can you call United?
Beatrix Kiddo: Sure, what for?
TT: I don’t like the seats they assigned. Change them per the usual and make sure they know that we are traveling with the baby
BK: (I pressume so that they can assign a stewardess to fetch clean diapers…idiot) Right, there’s a slight problem with the [...]

Time Thief: Beaaaaatrix
Beatrix Kiddo: Yes (insert obligatory eye roll here)
TT: I need you to do something very important
BK: Sure (ooooh, exciting!, I bet this time I’ll get a project more intellectually stimulating that slicing your bananas in rectangles)
TT: Well, I want to find a guy…
BK: Mkay (OMG OMG is he coming out of the closet to me?!)
TT: [...]

Of all the things I have to do at my job, the one I hate the most is Instant Messaging.
I hate how Incubus sends me an email to turn my IM on when he is in the office two steps away from me.
I despise how Incubus sends me obscure questions and expects instant answers.
I hate [...]

Actually, I just found out that sometimes it matters a lot.
JAP: Beatrix, call the orthopedical shop and ask him if he received my custom knee brace
Off I go into my soon to be proven continuance of JAP’s eternal quest to chip away at my allotted existential time in this planet.
Beatrix Kiddo: Hi, could you please [...]

A while ago I was entrusted with the task of buying a special tea for his Royal Highness. His uppity ass heard somewhere about this very exclusive tea that only the greatest connoiseurs of tea would drink. And so I bought two bags of Lapsang Cheusong for him.
It is described as a top quality black [...]