Smartassery

As part of his tireless mid-life crisis quest, Incubus tries to keep up with trends that tell everyone he’s cool, hip, and therefore not  the actual bag-of-bones that he is. The thinking is if you have as many gadgets and do as many tween-things as possible, the rest of humanity won’t stare for too long [...]

Our company like so many other VC firms in the Valley is about to go the way of the dodo. That has set Incubus and company in a wild goose chase for …wait for it… jobs. Jobs! Bwahahahahahaha.
Imagine for a moment Incubus having a different job, one in which he doesn’t call the shots or [...]

Incubus: Beaaaatrix, can you make me an appointment to go get a haircut first thing in the morning? The first one of the day would be great
Beatrix Kiddo: Ok, you’re booked for 9:05am
I: Hmmmm, that might not work. I need it for earlier
BK: (Glare) They open at 9:00am. You have the first appointment of the [...]

Keeping up with the Joneses sometimes entails you having to swallow all previous smack-talk of child-free existence and popping or buying, as it may be the case (I’m looking at you Madonna), the 1.5 token kids.
If you are a self-absorbed, deranged VC living in a parallel universe (much like Madonna et al) where the Sun [...]

So yeah, still here. However, at the moment actively looking for another demon to sell my soul to support. Pffft…
Today Incubus waltzed in (it is his custom to waltz into places with hands propped up on his hips or arms flailing about, or both) and handed me a pile of magazines.
Incubus: I get all these magazines [...]

7:30am
Hysterical call and email from Incubus regarding the tracking of a package being delivered today. 
8:00am
Incubus hysterically flapping around the office asking where the coffee machine is. - In the kitchen counter, where it usually hangs out, duffus.
8:03am
Incubus comes out of kitchen with dumbfounded look. Where is the coffee? - On top of aforementioned coffee machine [...]

Incubus: Beatrix it seems like there was a mistake in the quarterly report
Beatrix Kiddo: Where?
I: See it appears that there’s one word that is not aligned with the rest of the others
BK: I see, the one that’s off by one letter to the right?
I: Yes that one. I think we need to reprocess the whole [...]

All things have a place in the universe. They also have laws. For example, a predator is a carnivore. Law of nature. My dog licks his balls. Bam! Law of nature. Incubus is a scamming thief. Law of motherfucking nature.
Time Thief: So Beatrix my laptop broke
Beatrix Kiddo: (eye roll square) What is this? The 17th [...]

Time Thief: Beatrix, could you make a note to tell the building that the window in my office looks dirty from the outside?
Beatrix Kiddo: (munching through inhaling lunch) Hmmm…what?
TT: Yes, it’s totally messy. I’d like them to clean it up
BK: Sure (I’ll put it in the bin of “it never will happen”)
This deranged lunatic expects [...]

It’s no secret that TwatHead Ventures is the most unsuccessful venture capital firm that ever was. Odds are pretty high that if we (and by we, I mean they) fund it, whatever venture it happens to be, it will end as a catastrophic failure.
To put it in perspective, if THV would have funded Google, Yahoo’s [...]