You’re probably wondering how it is that I have so much free time to update this sappy blog, given that I am an executive assistant to the president of the U.S. and A. Wait…what? He’s not?! But he’s perfect! As far as I am concerned he has all the qualities needed: White, Jewish, Rich, Oblivious, [...]
This year my wishlist includes what I’d like others to have, not because I am selfless and giving, but because if these people had what I wish for them, my life would be so much better: A new shirt for my boss, preferably not pink (he has plenty of those already) and not a pastel [...]
Lucky Guy Who responds to Husband: What was that? (giggle giggle) Beatrix Kiddo: What? LGWRTH: That shaking…trippy…(giggle) BK: What shook? LGWRTH: That plant and the whole room actually…You don’t feel it? BK: Nooo (rolling my eyes towards my pituitary)…it was probably the wind moving the leaves. Anyway as I was saying if you oppose abortion because it’s [...]
Hello, You have reached 123-4567, Tender Hearts Animal Rescue. Due to the high volume of calls we have been receiving, please listen closely to the following options and choose the one that best describes you or your situation: Press 1 if you think we are veterinarians and want free medical advice Press 2 if you [...]
Patchwork Hair Boss: Did you hear? A pit bull attacked a baby (Mmmmkay). So you be careful with your pit bull there (here we go again) Beatrix Kiddo: Hmmm…how did it happen? PHB: The parents were trying to introduce the baby to their dog and the dog ate the baby’s face I can’t believe I have to [...]
I came across this article, Fascism Anyone?, by Laurence W. Britt. It identifies 14 common points that defined the infamous fascist regimes of Hitler, Mussolini, Franco, Suharto, and Pinochet. Go ahead and have fun finding the similarities with our hopeless government: 1. Powerful and continuing expressions of nationalism. From the prominent displays of flags and [...]
The worst refereeing in the 2006 World Cup has come courtesy of Luis Medina Cantalejo, some Spanish asshole who has royally fucked up every game he’s gotten his filthy paws into. Basically, he was promoted to officiate the matches at the finals after other referees failed to meet some already very low standards. So far [...]
11 - You selectively and at will choose to enforce any of the commandments. When you break one, you claim to do so in God’s name. When someone someone else breaks them, all hell breaks loose. Literally. 10 – You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies [...]
Now, usually I’m all for leaving a “stink bomb” on a corporation’s doorstep. On general principle. If I don’t know what they have done wrong, they sure as hell, do. But this trend of frivolous lawsuits against businesses has to stop. Enter 79 year old Stella Liebeck who, in 1992, successfully sued McDonald’s for serving hot coffee, which [...]
I read this article about how colleges are now expected to babysit students by keeping an eye on suicidal wannabes. The alternative is to have some psycho (i.e. irresponsible jackass) parent sue the college if their kid decides to go ahead and move into a casket. Correct me if I wrong, but isn’t it the parents’ [...]