24hr party people
To: Itchy & Scratchy
From: Beatrix Kiddo
Please note that I’ll be starting a new dishwasher job to supplement the miserable salary that you pay me here. As such I will be leaving work promptly at 4pm every day so I can dwelve into the joys of washing yet more dishes.
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To: Beatrix Kiddo
From: Itchy
cc: Scratchy
OK but I should suppose that you will increase your availability to us* during time out of the office (aka, my personal time).
*Me
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To: Itchy
From: Beatrix Kiddo
cc: Scratchy
False. You already call me at the wee hours of the morning…and the night, undeterred by nimial things like weekends and vacation time. In addition, I work here in excess of 10 hours per day. Exactly how much more free time do you think that leaves me for me to answer your dry cleaning emergency calls? Before your answer, may I remind you that as of yet a day doesn’t exceed 24 hours (unless we can slow down Earth’s rotation by using a clever system of pulleys and levers…which I can totally design in my free time if you want me to).
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Naturally, this wasn’t the last of it. The next day so as to assert his penis size, I get the following voicemail at 10:00pm:
Yeah, umm, Beatrix, urgent request. I left my stress ball at the restaurant and it is, like, terribly important that I get it back. Call this lady who found it and drive there on your way to work* and retrieve. Also listen to your voicemail at work. And I also sent you an e-mail explaining the same.
*Completely out of my fucking way but hey my jalopi and my existence should be devoted to him in body and soul, right? Because he pays me all this money, and also because he’s such a bloody joy to work for…
Right. As if I give a fuck. Obviously, I didn’t answer the voicemail or the e-mail although I did retrieve the chewed up toy for him but not before smearing it with a mild laxative solution.
He gets to go home early and I have a pleasant afternoon.
