stupid spoiled whore – the revenge
Not much to do at the office today except to follow the Paris Hilton saga. She might be a stupid spoiled whore but biy her shennanigans with the law are ’off the hook’ entertaining.
Let’s reminisce. Late last year Paris was driving swerving around L.A. drunk. In January of 2007 she pled “no contest” (legalese for “I did it but refuse to admit it”) which resulted in her getting an alcohol-related reckless driving charge (fancy celebrity code for DUI), 36 months of probation, an alcohol education program, and a suspended license.
Days later she was stopped by the highway patrol for, oh, for probably driving with her feet which is totally understandable for someone who doesn’t know how to refill her car when it runs out of gas or for that matter doesn’t know “how much is gas?” Anyway, the cop impounded her car and let her go not before making her acknowledge in writing that her license was suspended and she shouldn’t be driving.
Less than 30 days later, she was pulled over again for speeding down Sunset Boulevard at 10pm with her headlights off. Since her license was suspended and she was for all intents and purposes driving, she was arrested. According to Paris Hilton all this stopping and arresting gets really boring because the cops just do it to hit on her (pressumably because they are all blind cops).
Little did she know she would be facing Judge Michael Sauer who in his spare time flies above the L.A. sky protecting its citizens from criminals and lawyers alike. The nice judge ordered her to serve 45 days in jail on the basis of her continuous disrespect of the law but most likely because he too wanted to date her. After trying to file leniency petitions and appeals and realizing that actually nobody gave a shit, she gave up and agreed to serve a reduced sentence of 23 days with started last Monday.
Fast forward to Thursday when we woke up to news that Paris was back at home because her shrink said she was in distress, had a medical condition (probably a herpes flare up)Â and jail was not good for her well being. Err, correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought the whole point of putting you behind bars was to stress the fuck out of you so that maybe you won’t do stupid shit anymore. But hey, she is a celebutard, and Sheriff Lee Bacca (whom she probably did for real or at least threw piles of money at) let her go to serve the rest of her sentence under house arrest with an ankle bracelet.
Upon learning of Paris’ special treatment, the D.A. filed a motion with the court asking to hold the stupid sheriff in contempt of court since there was the minor fact that the Judge had ordered her to jail specifically noting that it wasn’t house arrest, or electronic monitoring or work program.
So this morning she was ordered back in court to which she replied she would be joining the court by phone. Judge Sauer (aka One Man Army) then had the cops drive over to her house, cuff her up, and bring her to court.
After musing over the pathetic reasons why the sheriff shortened her sentence without advising the court, Supermauer (who should get a Congressional Medal of Valor) ordered the heiress back in jail for the entire original sentence of 45 days. Paris screamed “It’s not fair!” and also “Mom! Mom! Mom!” as she was dragged away in tears. I hope the sheriff’s next job assignment is workign security at Barnes & Noble.
Upon hearing the new verdict, flowers bloomed spontaneously around the court building, kids were seen playing in the streets again, the skies parted, and Skittles showers were a refreshing break from the blanket of smog.
Now, do you agree with me that I can totally milk this into a telenovela, a movie and a talk show?
