I work so fast, the Road Runner is sitting next to me as I write to learn the ancient secrets of speed and perfection. Like any awesome, efficient machine, I need parameters in which to work. Oh, but do I get any? Nooooooo. Instead, the shrimps I work for prefer the tried and true method [...]
The Flighty One’s computer is at odds again. This time (as in and the other 99 times before) the cause of the problem is too much fucking free time and a raging case of perennial midlife crisis. You see, when these two factors combine, it results in an OCD condition that impulses you to buy [...]
It is the most unwatchable film ever. Well, that and The Million Dollar Hotel. Regurgitators! Anyway, so Alexander is about the life of the self proclaimed king of all…err…regions. The problem begins with the casting. Colin Farrell is Alexander. Or should I say, he’s NOT. He is to kings what grapes are to filing cabinets. [...]
Until the Viagra, penis extension, boob implants, pharmaceutical drug pushing, porno filming, crew calms the fuck down, the comments section is turned off. Because basically my blog is being read by Internet spider robots. Awesome! I know, so sad. Where are you going to ponder existencial questions and write provocative prose now?! Like I care.
I was out on my back for a couple of days due to an unnameable medical procedure. To show how much he appreciates my back breaking work the Commanding Asshole sent me this: No, it wasn’t an error from the florist. As it goes, this particular basket was on sale for $12.99 (presumably because they [...]
The company had a bunch of Ivy league pompous fuckheads over for lunch. Lunch was served with a side of long rambling vainglorius rhetoric by the evil managing director. ZZZzzzzzzzz… Anyway, as a general general rule they came in with a certain attitude and a lot of glancing over. Behaviorally, they ate like a pack of wolves during [...]
You are a sophisticated VC of refined tastes (or so you think) with a penchant for entertaining who’s throwing a Memorial Day barbecue for your socialite friends. The menu includes delicate puff pastries with a peanut butter filling. You’ll probably need 4 jars of the stuff. What do you do? a) Go to the nearest supermarket and buy the 4 [...]
Overheard at the watercooler:Â Dufus: So if you need Lunesta I have a hook up with my doctor. Just got my prescription refilled for like 3 months… Mamertus: Dude, totally. Let me have a month’s worth. I’ll pay you…Oh by the way, a friend of mine tried physical therapy and drinking chamomile tea at night [...]
While I get my ducks in a row here (so many things my evil boss has done lately I don’t know where to begin), here’s a joke…  This guy is out hunting one day when he comes across the biggest Grizzly bear he’s ever seen. He quickly raises his shotgun and BLAM! BLAM! fires [...]