flight of terror
How come I’m never in the plane where this happens: Girl Kicked Off Plane After Tantrum? I’m not a huge fan of flying and I ever rarely do. But when I have to do it, it never fucking fails there are no less than 5 screaming babies seating around me. What the fuck?!
It was bad enough to be flying into the pits of hell. On top of that my first flight featured a family of 3 perverse children, the mother, the mother’s sister, the mother’s sister’s husband, and the nanny. Captain Obvious would probably think that the score is Adults 4 vs Children 3. Not! Go to step 9 and hand over the cash.
The problem with the children was basically reduced to the old premise of ‘Monkey See, Monkey Do’ and also ‘Some People Shouldn’t be Allowed to Breed.’ I illustrate: Child 1 starts to pretend he’s crying to get off the babysitter’s lap and into his mother’s (where Child 2 is sitting). Stooopid babysitter totally gives in to his demand and starts handing the kid off to the mother. Child 2 sees Child 1 starting to fly towards her spot and therefore starts to cry too. Lest his spot be compromised (or maybe because his ass itches), Child 3 starts wailing too. Now play that scenario straight for 6 fucking hours and you’ll have an inkling of the horrible torture that was inflicted on the prisoners passengers. This was my outbound flight.
For my inbound flight, I was seating in the first row after business class. In the 2 seats next to mine sat Queen Bee and the Bodybuilder…with their ill conceived offspring. This time it was only one but he screamed just as much as a herd of baby elephants. In fact he may have been a rhino if we go by his girth and vocal capacity.
Now, there’s absolutely no explanation for you bringing an extra large duffel bag featuring Toyrs ‘R Us and blocking the aisle with it for the duration of the flight because you need to have it handy should your child need to drink water, eat a camel, or put together a 500 piece puzzle.
Separatedly, but definitely related…I know that planes are cramped unsanitary spaces and you just want the best for your infant but there are toilets there for a reason. Interestingly enough, those toilets are also equipped with, gasp, ‘changing stations.’ Society came up with this quirky little invention solely for your and your child’s benefit. Use it. Please stop changing your kids while seating in your seat. No one, trust me on this, wants to smell shit for the 15 minutes it takes you to get squirmy Junior under control, remove the bomb diaper, clean his ass, and slap the new diaper on. Mostly everyone would also object to your brilliant ill-conceived idea of placing the shitty diaper in the aisle floor while you finish your thing.
To conclude my rant, I think that Homeland Security is looking for terrorists in the wrong places.