on clockwatching and post-its
So here I am at my job. What is it that I do here? I don’t have any fucking idea. Technically, I should be mostly arranging meetings and smiling a lot.
However, I’ve found that it mainly involves a lot of post-its, a mindnumbing amount of paper (in the electronic age we are not) in need of signatures and fax confirmations (yet one more sheet of paper), a healthy dose of data data data, and most times, the clan of pussies riding me like a $2 circus pony sending me personal bitch requests via email (which, with some satisfaction I reply to, with a bullshit response about how I’m swamped, but basically amounting to: I’m not your bitch, so step the fuck off and get your wife to call in for the results of your stool samples).
How did I get here?! I have a college degree and in theory, I am using it, writing letters about financial things I don’t understand and making reports about non liberal arts data. Proof that the whole degree thing is basically a racket to suck your future abundant earnings (abundant–LOL) from the vicinity of your bank account.
Case in point, do you know what George W. Bush graduated in, from Yale University nonetheless? I dare you to guess. His bachelor’s was in History. Well, lessons were not learned and mistakes are being made…repeatedly. Then, he went on to troll the Harvard cafeteria and in the process walked into a Master of Business Administration. Exactly what are they teaching at these places?! Not practical applications, that’s for sure.
I think that my job is Professional Clockwatcher. When I add up the minutes of the day I spent thinking ‘When can I go home?’ and compare them to minutes I spent critically thinking about work tasks, the ratio is an astounding 582:1, give or take.
But sometimes, like all wage slaves, I have to work. And when I do, I need post-its which make my life so much easier as I’m also a Professional List Maker. The problem of course comes when Imbecitotles refuses to effectively use post-its. And by effectively, I mean he doesn’t know how to stick a fucking post-it note on a piece of paper without making me pause to ask God why she has shat on me yet again.Just this morning I found a rather large stack of documents in my chair, each smartly labeled with a post-it stamped FILE or NEEDS SIGNATURES and the date and the initials of Imbecitotles. By the way, his real initials are so on point because they basically spell something akin to Merde.Before I tell you the rest of the story…question for you:
How does one append a post-it to a document?
The answer SHOULD be: Pull note, using upward almost jerking motion from pad. Move note to desired location on document, adhesive side down, and press. Please note (note!) that at no time did I say that one should GLUE (with actual glue) the unattached end/side to the document. There’s no glue involved. None at all. Post-its–thanks to the genius of the built in mild-adhesive, do not require accessories.
So then…
Can someone please explain to me then WHY I have spent the better part of my morning removing post-its which will not be removed, only to find that the culprit is this inexplicably used additional adhesive????!!!!!! It is NOT necessary to kill an ant using a sledgehammer, folks. A tap with a shoe will do. Do not glue the post-it. There’s no glue involved in post-its. And there should not be traces and bits of hot pink post-its on these documents which will be presented to the bank to get a loan next week.
I now return to my regularly scheduled clockwatching..err..time management activity.
