Smartassery

I swore to myself I wasn’t going to post this list seeing as it contained the wishes of a child for Christmas. But then I also realized that up until I was 17 I got nothing but good wishes this time of the year because: 

1. we lived in a communist country where toys didn’t exist (well, they did, but only in 3 incarnations* that were given away in a lottery, that I only hit once. fuck.) 

2. religious celebrations was not the in-thing (mainly because it could get you skinned or even worse, your beans ration taken away) 

3. the spirit of the underground Christmas was not really to get presents and spend money on frivolous lace panties (it still is by the way)

Anyway, behold what the 12 year old girl daughter of the Beast wanted these past holidays: 

• Seven for all Mankind Jeans - $190   

• Burton Snowboard Vapor – $949.95  

• Snowboarding Outfit – $1,500 

• Snowboarding Lessons – $300 

• Cute Snowboarding Instructor – Priceless 

• Diamond studs (not the zirconia kind), at least 2 carats - :-)  

• Chanel Reporter Bag in Black - $2,200  

• Bellybutton piercing – $70A 

• Tattoo sleeve – $7,000 

• Sex and the City DVD Set – $200 

• Shopping Spree to H&M, Nine West & Prada -  

• Money – $5,000   

• Stripper Pole – $150 

• Canon Digital camera - $900

So, congratulations to the Beast are in order…for raising a ‘prostitot’ whose role model in life appears to be Britney Spears. 

Actually, in the kid’s defense, she did provide general guidelines and was considerate enough to take the household’s budget into account.

If she got everything on this list, as the first and last sentences of her e-mail to the Beast stressed she should, her brothers probably got a bunch of pick-up sticks and a vintage, and by vintage I mean used, jack-and-balls set.

Then the family ate spam sandwiches on Christmas Eve as they helped her unwrap her presents set under the dried branch that made do as a tree. She’s aces!

*the 3 type of toys that kids in my land got (uh, no longer) are: 

1. basic (a shitty toy, i.e. a doll)  

2. not basic (a shittier toy, i.e. a water pistol that didn’t work)  

3. directed (the shittiest toy, i.e. vintage jacks-and-ball set). Needless to say this is the one everyone got after the lottery didn’t give anyone each year the chance to be first in line.  

This entry was posted on Friday, February 23rd, 2007 at 1:07 am and is filed under Vapid Capital. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.