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If you spend a fortune on some mutt to make it look halfway presentable (…and trust me a lot of you are still grappling with this concept), wouldn’t it follow that you spend a bit more and make sure that the dog handler doesn’t look like a bipedal whale stuffed into a ill fitting green lapel suit, shiny hosiery, and ridiculous looking shoes? Â
This is your one chance in a million to make some loot based on appearances. It’s a shallow show judged by shallow people and watched by even sadder droids (me). We all notice the giant humanoid flapping hopelessly next to the pooch. So step it up, take the thing to a tailor or, better yet, invest in a 6 month bootcamp program to shave a couple feet off her ass.
That should also teach her how to run with grace. Like that time I ran…I was standing in a corner smoking a joint and a patrol car cruised by very slowly and the cop looked at me straight in the eye. Roadrunner stories.