Smartassery

Loservious has decided that all employees will now have to fill out a self-evaluation form. By employees, he means the other idiot and myself. Two people.

Either Loservious has crafted a brilliant malefic plan to test our skills as liars (maybe we’re going to reorganize as a world class spying agency…in which case I call dibs on any Christian Louboutin shoes, you know, to go with my spy image). Or. Or he’s a malevolous idiot. Which we already know.

The purpose of this exercise is to qualify us monkeys for his generous yearly $10 gift certificate to the not-local-at-all pizza place. I’m all over that so I was crafty and cunning. Whatever gets me pizza, man.

Loservious: Beatrix, I see you refer to yourself as “the only one working here with any brains at all.” You realize I also work here, right?

Beatrix Kiddo: Yes. That’s why I only used small words. Uh, do you need me to elaborate?

L: Err, we can revisit that later (see? I know my peeps) You also mentioned that the only reason we keep you here is because “you’re cheaper than a robot and you can fetch lunch.” That’s not true at all!

BK: What?! Is there a budget-priced robot I don’t know about?

L: You say that you’d like us to upgrade your office from the south corner of the kitchen to a bigger room with a flat surface where you can rest your keyboard…

BK: Are you aware that the server has a giant air-conditioned room all to itself? Basically, I want what the server is having…

L: If I tell you to coordinate a board of directors meeting, what are the odds that you’ll actually do it right?

BK: Same as the odds of you successfully locating the power button on your laptop

L: Err. Ok. You say your projects are always late because you’re trying too hard to make them perfect. Do you expect me to buy that?

BK: I got those hard-to-come-by Balinese Algae-Maple coffee pods you wanted…

Naturally, I got the certificate. This year with a whooping 25% increase. I must have impressed him with my guileful bantering. $12.50 worth of pizza!

I. RULE.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 5th, 2007 at 5:39 pm and is filed under Vapid Capital. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.