Smartassery

Being an EA in venture capital is like being the protagonist of Hostel. Fine, you made it out alive, and you may have even kicked some ass, but you’re still missing an eye, your left arm, an ass cheek, and a quarter of your bowels.

That said, I’ll gladly go through three sessions of painful torture before I have to tend to the wives of the VCs. For obvious reasons. Chief among which is the fact that these good-for-nothing whores do absolutely nothing all day, yet somehow manage not to be able to do any of their own shit, instead dumping it unceremoniously on me. Pilates is so exhausting y’all.

The wives’ daily sabotage of my Internet browsing, becomes yet more irksome because, well, they’re denser than logs. It’s probably true that if you are a VC, your house has a gas leak that’s responsible for the demise of its inhabitants’ brain cells. Hell, I’m not going through my cutting sessions alone anymore. You must suffer with me:

Her Cuntness: Hi Beatrix, MidLifeCrisis sent me an email with a link on it. Can you find it?

Beatrix Kiddo: Sure, what’s the problem?

HC: It’s not a live link. I click on it and it doesn’t open. How am I supposed to see what he wants me to see?! (surely not with your eyes)

BK: (Just for fun…) So you already tried copying and pasting the URL into your browser’s address window and it still doesn’t work?

HC: (Silence, then…) Err, yes? (something tells me it’s more like, no) Of course, but it is easier this way…

BK: Well, it really isn’t. I don’t have access to MidLifeCrisis’ e-mail. So I would have to wait for him to come out of the meeting he’s in, ask him about the e-mail, have him resend it to you after making sure he hits the return key at the end of the URL address so that it becomes a live link. It’s easier and faster if you just do what I suggested

HC: That’s okay, I’ll wait for MidLifeCrisis to retry it. This is very important

BK: (Die, bitch, die) I’ll make sure to convey the urgency of the situation to him. We’ll get back to you in about three hours (hang on to your bloomers missy)

This entry was posted on Friday, December 8th, 2006 at 8:41 pm and is filed under Vapid Capital. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.