Smartassery

Plucked from e-mails, memos, and general correspondence, I present to you the most common misspellings that my bosses, the Ivy League school graduates, make on a daily basis. Each set reflects words that, according to them, are interchangeable. Following each, is, well, my commentary:

lose – the opposite of win, to misplace something, i.e. “Once you lose all your neurons, you’re fucked” (ONE FUCKING O)
loose – the opposite of tight, i.e. “Your wife’s twat is loose“ (TWO FUCKING O’s) 

your – a possessive, similar to mine, his, her, i.e. ”Your loose slut of a sister loses her mind every time she gets railroaded by your whole inbred excuse for a family” (NO FUCKING APOSTROPHE)
you’re – a contraction of “you are”, i.e. “You’re a dipshit” (A FUCKING APOSTROPHE)

its – another possessive, similar to your, i.e. “Ignoramus has a man purse. Its handle is broken” (NO FUCKING APOSTROPHE)
it’s – a contraction of “it is”, i.e. ”It’s fucking simple” (A FUCKING APOSTROPHE)

Need a trick? – Sigh. When using it’s or you’re, expand the contraction. If “You’re head is full of shit” becomes “You are head is full of shit” and doesn’t make any sense (maybe it will to you because you’re a fucking moron), then you are using the wrong word. Queef.

to – a preposition, i.e. “It’s time to go back to school” (ONE FUCKING O)
too – an adverb (know what that is?), synonymous with “also” and ”as well,” i.e. “Really? I went to college too.” It can also be used to mean “to a regrettable degree” as in “It’s too late for you, moron”, TWO FUCKING O’s
two – a number, it comes after 1 and before 3, not to be used as “Let’s go back two school.” I cringe.

there – an adverb, similar to here, i.e. as in “Your tiny brain is over there”
their – yet another possessive, similar to your, i.e. ”It’s not their fault that you’re a fucking retard. It’s your fault!”
they’re – a contraction of “they are” as in “They’re not responsible for your complete ignorance of your own fucking language. Read a book!!!”

 

This entry was posted on Saturday, November 25th, 2006 at 3:33 am and is filed under rants, Vapid Capital. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.