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The entire year I slave away in this stink-hole in the hopes that by year-end I’ll get the cash to buy that Powerbook I’ve been lusting after.
Wrong!
Seems like we don’t have any money this year. Either. We do, however, need to make sure the indirecting abortion is able to expense his GPS equipped running socks or his fifth first edition triathlon bicycle with carbon-titanium wheels and autographed by Lance.
Maybe it’s just me but there’s a fundamental disconnect between my crappy restaurant gift certificate (do I look that famished?) and the daily expenses these guys pull.
This calls for drastic measures. So, I have devised a new method of “processing expenses” in the interest of augmenting my free time and ensuring my bilirubin doesn’t kick into jaundice mode out of raw rage. The following will always be properly filed…in the recycling bin:
- All cash receipts which cannot be tracked to a credit card (i.e. taxis and Starbucks lattes)
- Suspicious purchases that don’t jive with any meetings in the calendar (i.e. dinner at Smith & Wolensky’s on a Sunday night coinciding with a wedding anniversary, car rental during a vacation, etc.)
- Cell phone/Blackberry bills that are not for used on company time or for the company’s benefit (i.e. parents cell phone)
- Any flight change fees incurred through pure capriciousness (i.e. $100 fee for changing a flight to the one that leaves 30 minutes before…or after)
- Any charges for books with titles like “Schindler’s List” that are so glaringly not work related
- Any stupid requests for more money (i.e. cost of usual airfare flown between two cities that no one actually visited - it’s amazing they can even request this with a straight face)Â
- Any mileage to and from the mistress’ house
Enough is enough.