egg nest bribery
The latest humilliation suffered by at work ca be summed up in one word: bribery.
Dolt Idiot Conniving Klutz: Beatrix you are such a good employee and you deserve so much that I’ve decided to give you a $3,000 bonus.
Beatrix Kiddo: But? (hate to sound cynical but I know my people)
DICK: Yes, that will be the carrot at the end of the stick (aha!)
BK: Will I have to sacrifice an Indonesian virgin?
DICK: It’s actually much better than that. In exchange for this, you’ll promise to stay another five years with the company (say what?!).
BK: Just curious, what will happen if I don’t?
DICK: In that case, the bonus will be treated as a loan and you’ll have to pay it back with interest at the current market APR.
BK: Well, no offense, but I have better rates with any of my credit cards and I’m ok with my finances, so I’ll pass on the bonus.
DICK: You are passing up money?!
BK: No. I’m passing up debt
Jerk. Several problems here as I see it.
1. The assumption to think that everyone can be bought.
2. The arrogance of putting a price (and a shitty price at that) on someone else’s life.
3. The thought that because I’m from a lower class (in his eyes), I lack ethics and character and will always bend over for money.
4. Is a year of my life worth only $750?! That’s like $2.05 a day! An immigrant worker with no papers makes more than that. Are you fucking kidding me? Now I never took economics in college but I can do amazing things with a calculator. Tabulate, tabulate, total, compute…Uh, yes, seems like if I forgo my daily cup of coffee, I can save double that amount in the same amount of time. Thanks, I’ll sacrifice, you asshole.
5. There’s no amount of money in this world that will keep me in the dining room to hell. Which is here, in this office. You’ll know when my time has come to leave because I’ll give you one hour notice. Which is seven times what you would give me if you were to fire me. My generosity has no limits (unlike yours).
June 19th, 2006 at 2:31 pm
*clap, clap, clap*
I would have been tempted before saying no. Reading that just made me realise that I might be one of those fools who can be bought. It’s a sad day in my world.
June 20th, 2006 at 5:13 am
No worries, I used to be like that too.