Smartassery

I’m watching my boss flutter around the office and suddenly, it hits me.

I work for the real Niles Crane!

For those of you who don’t know who this is, Niles is the brother of Frasier. Niles is an anal-retentive psychiatrist nerd, who’s very class conscious, treating the people he considers “beneath him” (i.e. everyone but him) with extreme disdain and contempt.

He’s very superficial and narcissistic (completely without merit given as he’s NOT attractive at all), and lives an opulent lifestyle dictated by the glitterati’s mercurial “It” list. His friendships are carefully chosen by virtue of their social ranking (and also their potential to get him out of trouble with the IRS).

The managing director, I mean Niles, has the physicality of a box of matches, is very uncoordinated, subsists on perennial prescriptions of Xanax and Ambien, and is extremely neurotic. I wouldn’t be surprised if he skins little animals in his backyard. Allegedly.

Lately, he’s taken to playing tennis and golf. Not because he wants to exercise but because these are the sports that rich people play and he’s hoping he’ll meet fresh legal meat that way.

Whenever he comes into contact with a plebeian (us), he launches into a panic attack during which he twitches, hyperventilates uncontrollably, and basically foams at the mouth. This happens whenever he approaches my desk. Either it’s his problem or I’m the devil and don’t know it yet (in which case I could royally kick his ass - Give me a sign…God? Satan?) 

His wardrobe consists of pastel colored shirts, suspenders, and a carefully staged combover. That is so my boss. I mean, he orchestrated his own wedding! His bride was allowed to say zilch about the daffodils, lavender motif, and even her wedding dress. He handwrote the invitations in curlicued calligraphy for Pete’s sake. Scream. I mean, scram or the queer will get you. 

A selfish, demanding, haughty, cyclotimic, emasculating, and deluded prima donna.

In a nutshell that’s whom I work for.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 13th, 2006 at 6:05 pm and is filed under Vapid Capital. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.