Smartassery

puberty…oh the agony

I read this article about how colleges are now expected to babysit studentsÂ by keeping an eye on suicidal wannabes. The alternative is to have some psycho (i.e. irresponsible jackass) parent sue the college if their kid decides to go ahead and move into a casket. Correct me if I wrong, but isn’t it the parents’ responsibility that their kid is so screwed up in the first place?

I know we live in a country where irresponsibility isÂ thoroughly encouragedÂ but enough is enough. Further, why is it that the kids in the industrialized countries (read here: the places where lack of food is not a problem) are always the ones who are always pissed off or depressed about something.

For comparison purposes, I have created a table drawing parallels between my youth in a blood-sucking communist dictatorship and that of kids in the U.S.A.

	SMARTASS	CLUELESS KIDS
FOOD	Not much to eat here. School food is free but very unattractive. I’m talking rice, peas, boiled eggs, and burnt milk	Unlimited supply of crap to eat. Obesity is the norm!
EDUCATION	Free but relevant	An arm and a leg yet they manage to learn nothing
SCHOOL TESTS	Bloody hard. Each answer must be at least a page long (incl. torturous Calculus) and memorizing shit won’t help you	Multiple choice and they manage to fail! How is this done?!
HIGH SCHOOL	Big deal. It’s what you do on your way to your three Master Degrees. Also, need to do forced labor in farms around the country	Whoop tee do. I have a H.S. diploma but don’t know what inertia is
MILITARY CLASS	You read right. Immerse in the world of weaponry and effective ambushing	Video games?
CARS	NONE. Walk everywhere	Pimped out affairs
TOYS	NONE. Once a year if you get the toy lottery. This is true.	All kinds of stuff that’s always unappreciated and tossed aside.
GAMES	The ones with dirt and a stick, or the ones that involve socializing with other kids	Brooding, selfish little shits stay in their room all the time posting naked pictures on the web
CLOTHES	Same ones as last year’s and the five years before that	New ones every semester and they demand it too
SCHOOL SUPPLIES	Borrowed from the government. No writing on books or you go to prison	Colored erasers, canvas, $50 thesaurus, and loads of shit that will not make a difference
ELECTIVES	Uh? Everything here is mandatory. Science is not only 1 class but fucking 7! For the idiots, that would be Math, Physics, Chemistry, Biology, Botany, Geography, and Computer Science	School is a party . Indulge in pottery 101 and history. Only if you want to, that is
SCHOOL DANCE	Right. Only the dancing we did during recess accompanied with clapping and the drumming of our fingers. Instruments? What’s that?	Big fucking production. Receded foreheads
DISCIPLINE	We got spanked, pinched, squeezed, electrocuted, smacked, and beaten by parents, teachers, and any authority figure	Oooh don’t hit the kid or you’ll get tried for abuse. Kids need beatings, it’s a fact
ATTITUDE	Humble gratitude. Found happiness in simple things like a day at the beach, having friends, or having peas served instead of rotten eggs at school	The rotten spoiled brats think they deserve the world, talk back at everyone, get in trouble, have zero common sense, and are generally a bunch of assholes

So there you have it. Turns out I didn’t have shit,Â was disciplined with a heavy hand, and I turned out okay. YouÂ treatÂ the brats with kid gloves and give themÂ the moon and the starsÂ without them deserving it (or you being able to afford it), and what do they do?Â Scream at you, demand late curfews, getÂ STD’s,Â and failÂ in school, that’s what. On top of that, they threaten you with committing suicide because the “pimply faced school jock didn’t look at me,” or “I’m fat,” or “they make fun of me at school.”

Big fucking deal. Here’s what you do. Stop blaming your failures as a parent on TV, other people, school, video games, the library, marijuana, or the twinkies you ate this morning. Then, start raising a productive human being for a change. What’s that? You don’t know how to?! Well, in that case, STOP REPRODUCING, you breeder.Â First,Â you don’tÂ give kids anything they haven’t worked their butt off for. You want stuff? Start putting the hours at the drive-thru.Â New clothes? Ha, school is not a fashion show. Coming of age party?Â Your name is not Paris Hilton. Want a video game?Â Here are some pick up sticks instead.

The problem is thatÂ ineptÂ people should not be having kids (if you’re a sheep who does stuff just because everyone else is doing it, you’re an idiot -Â I revoke your breeding privilege).

Man, if I had my way, I would enforce a mandatory chemical castration for everyone under the age of 30. Then they would have to prove to me (it is my world after all) that they have what it takes to raise another human being in order for them to reproduce: uncompromising ethics, high IQs, clean criminal sheet, strong personalities, money, good jobs, and excellent driving skills. Minivan drivers? Would never cut it in my world. Angry guys and bitchy women?Â Nope. Intolerant assholes. Yawn, next.

Result - We would have a superior race with no place for failure. We would be perfect.

This entry was posted on Saturday, May 20th, 2006 at 3:59 pm and is filed under odds and ends, rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

4 Responses to “puberty…oh the agony”

Schadenfreude Says:
May 20th, 2006 at 8:13 pm
Preach on, Kiddo! I find it disgusting that you have to take a road test, drivers education, driver training/school and have to reach a certain age before the government will let you drive a car. But anyone with working genetalia can have a kid? Put yer plan into effect and I’ll back it.
Disappointed in SW Says:
May 22nd, 2006 at 8:00 pm
*clap, clap, clap, clap*
Goomba Says:
March 8th, 2007 at 9:16 pm
Nice…. but then again we need idiots and we need them to breed, cuz if they didn ‘t.. guess what? We have nothing to compare to! There is no such thing as light without dark, right? Your pefect race is not possible I am sorry to say, unless you let the idiots breed and.. quarantine them or something.
Goomba Says:
March 8th, 2007 at 9:17 pm
Also, what is inercia exactly?

You must be logged in to post a comment.

puberty…oh the agony

4 Responses to “puberty…oh the agony”

Leave a Reply