1) My period - One third out of every month is negatively affected by a combination of any of these: cramps, bloating, bleeding, emotional rollercoasters, disengagement from life, psychotic breakouts, pimples, and bouts of misdirected violence. 2) Make-up - As women we are expected to coat our faces with dust, dirt, and oily lotions for the benefit of…I don’t know [...]
Is that time of the year to send the fourth quarter reports of 2005 to our beloved investors. Actually, the time was three months ago but: a) our investors are already used to our huge level of inefficiency and utter incapability to do anything properly, so they don’t hold this firm to the same high [...]
I stumble into work today as I do every day. I admit I’m just not a morning person. As I pass through the kitchen area where the baby, ahem, the managing director, is making his breakfast, I’m confronted by this: Boss: Hey Beatrix…..what’s this? (Then he dangles an edible looking thing in front of my [...]
It’s Monday. The managing director is in the office. Really, doesn’t he know he is supposed to travel ALL the time? Boss: So Beatrix…my office windows are dirty. Beatrix Kiddo: Ooooookay. I’ll let the cleaning lady know. B: Well, they are dirty on the outside so call the guys. BK: Well, they come once every three months [...]
I woke up late today…with the dog all up in my face. Poor thing he needed to pee, so even though I wasn’t feeling up to it and outside it was rainy and hella cold, I bundled myself up and braved the weather with my lord in tow. Miserable day. It was wet everywhere and [...]
The boss is back…and how can you tell? Because all of a sudden the day becomes consumed with inconsequential tasks. Today’s Big Timekilling Activities are: 1. The coffee tastes funny – Never mind the fact that I don’t drink coffee and thus am in no position to offer any constructive feedback, I now need to devote [...]
A bit of advice to the string of desperate-flat-broke inventors and start-up companies that are looking for some investment capital. I feel bad for you. Yes, you. The ones that get rejected time and again by the autocratic fiends, ahem, VC’s. Here’s how to make it through the process of getting your hands on their gigantic [...]
This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. This is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, you would have all been left to die while President Bush finished his vacation (again), Vice President Dick (head) Cheney went shooting people in enclosed shooting ranges with domesticated prey and dull company, and Secretary of [...]
There are so many things you don’t know about me and my life outside of this hypocritical soul-snuffing job that I’ve decided to put a stop to your disparate notion that we are friends and give you the inside scoop: 1) The glass that separates your office from my desk is not soundproof. I hear you call your therapist, cut [...]
Ms. Naomi Campbell is in trouble. Again. This time for, surprise!, another bout of mindless violence. This is not the first time the gorgeous one flies off the handle and pounces on whomever is closest to her. Which often happens to be an unfortunate employee. Good grief! In the past, she has blamed her spewing [...]