get paid for doing peanuts
I collected unemployment once. For 2 months. I felt guilty, as if I was somehow milking the system. Silly me.
Some people can stay on it forever, cleverly working the loops and getting paid for staying at home. A long time ago, my husband was one of these people.
He did have jobs. But somehow they only lasted 3 months tops. One day, he would get into an argument with the boss (after all he worked in advertising where they’ve turned stress into an art form). The verbal boxing session would always end the same way with my worst half telling the boss “fuck you and fuck you.” Naturally, he would then get booted onto the street.
Turns out this constitutes just cause for claiming unemployment as the boss is supposed to give you a chance to reform. Can you believe this?! You cuss your boss out, which is secretly what you have been dying to do since day one, and on top of that they have to pay you unemployment! Fabulous.
He truly didn’t work so hard in his entire life as he had to keep the checks coming in. He was at the unemployment office every month, waited on six hour lines, filled out paperwork left and right, and dilligently called in every week to report on his job looking efforts (a pack of lies). One year, he managed to work for only three months and joined the ranks of the couch potatoes the other nine.Â
If they had an idea of all the effort and energy he was expending to avoid work, I’m sure they would have given him a raise.
I never saw someone do such an awesome job, not working.
