11 reasons why I love being a woman
1) My period -Â I can easily go home early or not even make it work by casually mentioning that my insides are tangled up in knots or that I have a feminine emergency. This can also be successfully used as a deterrent for _____________ (fill in the blanks) whenever I’m not in the mood. Also, since I’ve been taking this speciall pill, periods are no longer a problem. Hell, they no longer exist!
2) Make-up -Â Polishing my face with assorted lacquers and paints can make men swoon and believe I’m Monica Belluci’s cousin. I can also hide all sorts of pimples and imperfections with make-up and everyone will think I have naturally flawless skin and long eyelashes.
4) Fashion - I can wear pants or skirts or shorts or skorts or itsy bitsy shirts or long flowing dresses or sandals or boots or whatever else strikes my fancy. My womanly closet knows no boundaries.
5) High heels – They look good in bed…and in pictures. In contrast to my previous rant, I loooove owning high heels. Wearing them is still a different story…Â
6) Going out – Bars and clubs have happy hours that are ONLY for girls. On top of the drinks being super cheap, I get the guys to pay for them. No matter what, I have fun…for free! I can dance by myself and no one thinks I’m a weirdo. Also, I’ll always get in a packed club. I don’t need to have a partner or resort to being humilliated by the doorman because letting two guys without girls in will never happen. Pussy opens the doors to the night!
7) Double standards - As a woman, I find myself being oggled a lot of times. Even at work which bothers me, but then again…I can get my boss to give me extra vacation days and pay increases because he’s so concentrated on staring at my butt/breasts/etc. that he will mindlessly agree to anything.Â
Sex – I have a sexual organ whose only discernible purpose is pleasure. I can also reach the big O, ten times in a row (if that’s what I wanted). Woooooohooooooo!Â
9) Medical procedures – I have a higher pain tolerance than any man I know. Hell, all women do! I’ve gotten tattoos next to guys who couldn’t make it through theirs sweating and puking throughout the experience. If women can have babies and survive to talk about it, then they can harness the world.
10) Peeing – At home, I get everyone to leave the lid down for my benefit. Even my husband’s friends know better. Ha!Â
11) Babies – I still don’t like babies. And no one can do a damned thing about it because I am very dilligent about taking my daily ticket-to-heaven-without-babies, I mean, pill. Doesn’t that rock?!
April 20th, 2006 at 8:46 pm
You left out:
1. Not paying for stuff (this just never happens to guys, unless they are being courted as a “client” in which case it’s the one time you see what it’s like to have money spent on you that you really don’t deserve for a purpose that’s anything but geniune)
2. Maternity Leave – self explanatory
3. Stay at Home Option – You tend to hear about “working women” as some sort of euphemism but never hear the term “working man” as if it’s something unusual. Knowing that I could potentially have the option of never working again would be damn sweet. Oprah, are you still single? I’m young…
4. Chivalry – ok, it’s dead, but if just once I could have a woman pull a chair out for me that wasn’t about to give me a lap dance I’d be happier than hell. Come to think of it I was never terribly upset after that experience but that’s probably just a bad example.
5. Your Period – It may suck, but how cool is it that once a month you can be a total bitch to everyone in your life and you’ve got a biological “get ouf of jail free card” that actually makes people apologize to YOU for you behavior? Man if I could do that just once…
April 20th, 2006 at 11:47 pm
Wil,
Ouch! Isn’t this a touchy subject? While I realize that some of those may be also true, I just listed the 11 reasons why “I” (myself – not anyone else) love being a woman. None of the ones you said apply to me…given that:
a) I do always pay for my stuff. In fact when the bill comes (for anything really) I am the first one to pony up cash while my husband and male friends all of the sudden get a case of freezing in place or run to the bathroom to avoid footing the bill.
b) Maternity leave. Could care less. See my 11th reason. Will never have to use it. For the record, new fathers in civilized countries (not this one obviously) get to take as much time off as the mother. You could always move, you know.
c) So what you want a term? Fine we’ll call you the “working man” instead of the slob who plays Playstation all day and doesn’t lift one finger to clean his filthy surroundings. It will still mean the same.
d) Chivalry…are you joking? For the record, I usually find myself opening doors for guys who never say thank you because of course is not in their vocabulary.
e) Since I don’t get a period anymore (see #1), I’m not a bitch to anyone. I do, however, need to put up with my bitchy and hormonal male managing directors every day.
Proverb
When you get home from work, slap your husband around. If you don’t know why you should be slapping him, he sure as hell does.
April 21st, 2006 at 9:59 pm
No periods, you pay for your own stuff, and open doors for guys? You’re a dream come true!
Wow… you had me at “no periods”.
April 26th, 2006 at 9:41 pm
slap him around, haha, oh that’s funny
September 13th, 2006 at 5:35 pm
I to hate babies, but I like to kick them.