i didn’t do it
Ms. Naomi Campbell is in trouble. Again. This time for, surprise!, another bout of mindless violence. This is not the first time the gorgeous one flies off the handle and pounces on whomever is closest to her. Which often happens to be an unfortunate employee. Good grief!
In the past, she has blamed her spewing rages on her father abandoning her when she was a child. Come again?Â
This is obviously not her fault (no pun intended) as it seems humanity as a whole is incapable of admitting wrongdoing and placing responsibility for one’s actions squarely where it belongs. On one’s freaking shoulders! It has become a nauseous trend to blame anything and anyone else for one’s mistakes. Examples, please:
1. The drugs took a hold of me. Excuse me, but wasn’t it the other way around? Last time I checked, ecstasy pills don’t have arms that can grab you, and a bunch of powdered coke doesn’t blow itself up your nostrils. So when you get to the point of having to sell your underwear in order to score more Tina, please don’t come pleading for help and understanding and dare to get mad at the rest of us. We are all dealing with the same shit you do, day in and day out. Learn to be a functional and responsible drug user like the rest of us.
2. My parents didn’t raise me well so I am/do (fill in the blanks). Even if it is true that some folks should have their breeding privileges revoked, chances are you’ve had a number of years to ponder on the intricacies of your screwed up behavior. I bet you’ve been through enough drama in your life, to put two and two together and maybe, just maybe, arrive at the conclusion that it is you who’s the problem… irrespective of whose tit you nursed off when you were a tot.
3. Somebody was being a (fill in the blanks) so I had to (fill in the blanks). What did we invent civilization for? If everyone had carte blanche to act upon their impulses, we might have as well stayed in caves and continue to fling shit at each other.
4. The “twinkie defense“ Some people go as far as blaming inanimate objects for misfortunes and temporary diminished mental accuity. Unless you are a certified nut case, chances are you knew very well what you were about to do and the consequences it carried, courtesy of years of watching those abominable cops-and-robbers-and lawyers shows on TV. It’s very tempting to go postal and blame it on the spiked punch, but please don’t. Zip it and suck it up like the rest of us.
5. I don’t know how I got pregnant. Huh, I have a theory…when a man and a woman love each other, they kiss for a long time and… Unless you’ve been living under a rock…in Mars, chances are you know what can happen when someone’s penis find its way into your female place. Slap a condom on, get on the pill, take the morning after pill (naturally only available on civilized states), use spermicide, or get a TV/Playstation (no sex guaranteed).
6. She came on to me so what else could I do? Lame. This is not like you where walking around the park, tripped, and slipped your willy into someone’s vagina, is it?! Didn’t think so. If you want the cow, the teenage-looking calf, the mare, and the pig, be single. Simple.
7. I’m fat because of my genes. While it is true that grandma, that scoundrel, may have passed onto you an affinity for cholesterol, some people throw their arms up in the air and resign to the inevitability of disease. There are things you can obviously do not to continue the family trend of flabby thighs. My dad may not be in the best shape, but if I keep stuffing lemon meringue tortes down my piehole, chances are, my ass will be spilling all over the place pretty soon. Stop whining about skinny models, contain your impulses to gorge, and get a membership at the gym. Pronto. It’s not like we like looking at your dimply legs either.
Peace out.Â
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