Smartassery

Drove my car into the gas station to do my part in contributing to the bloody war and royally messing up the air we breathe (is not half the fun without the nasty soot). Anyway, there is this HUGE Escalade (or Escalator?) SUV parked in the next pump.

The conductor of this mammoth mobile contraption opened the door to step out…and I almost collapsed. You see, this guy was probably all of 5 feet tall, and I’m being extremely generous. How, do you suppose, he was able to drive this mechanical beast? Any takers?

First, there was this 20″ cushion on his seat that propelled him into the stratosphere. Second, the seat had been pushed so far towards the dashboard that I bet honking was easily accomplished by banging his forehead against the steering wheel. And third, and this is truly the best part, he was wearing huge platform shoes!

In order to get off (the car, that is), he executed a clean sommersault jump that would have made Bela Karoli proud. I didn’t stay long enough to witness the getting-back-in-the-truck part, but I’m sure it involved a rope, a pulley, couple of pickets, a harness, and a climbing partner.

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Guys, take note. Looking like a wiggly imitation of Prince and driving a vehicle that considerably dwarfs you, does not a favorable impression make. Pick a car that complements you and your looks. Otherwise you risk looking like an ass and your life motto should be (say it fast over and over):

I’M SOFA KING RETOR TED 

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006 at 8:08 pm and is filed under odds and ends. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.